Provide Substantive Content and Formatting Feedback

Review is effective for both the writer and the reviewer. Depending on the writing assignment, adult
readers will review class content, as well as strengthen vital writing and close reading skills. Writers will recognize that good writing communicates effectively with diverse readers.
To remember while viewing:
Note: The least helpful comment to receive from a peer reviewer is "It looks good to me."
* First attend to Higher Order Concerns: thesis, audience, purpose, organization, development (support)
* Then attend to Lower Order Concerns: sentence structure, punctuation, word choice, spelling
* Make comments in spirit of helpfulness. Take comments in spirit of helpfulness.
52895551308000Writer: Daniel Ries
Reviewer: Enny Dulanto
528955743648500
C
Congratulate

I want to congratulate you because you topic is very clear and your arguments are Logical. Any reader could easily see how the thoughts flow and the paragraphs support each other while converging into one single statement in the end. The way your used your resources are also great, I could see how much you did research on this article.

A
Ask clarifying questions

Your arguments were well written. However, what I want to ask is if there are any issues regarding this “assimilation” of transgender in what is predominantly a masculine world? What are the common issues that arise? Are there any?



R
Request more

I hope you could tackle for even two or three paragraphs, the issues that arise with the integration and assimilation of transgenders to the militaries and provide an recommendation on how to prevent these issues (if there are any)

E
Evaluate its value

The research is great. I’m quite sure that other people who could read this could gain more idea. Personally, I’m not too aware that transgender are a part of the military. In the case of your grammar, I would just like to recommend on reducing the phrases with passive voices such as “this will be associated with the gender transition.”

S
Summarize

Generally, the article is well written, logical, concise, and clear. However, there are a lot of grammatical errors, though not that sever but minor errors. Regarding the content, I hope that I could read this again with the section on issues and problems of the integration of transgenders in the military.

* You may use the list below for ideas.
(Please identify the paragraph for your suggestion)
¯ Thesis needs to better identify the main point of the essay
¯ Topic sentence(s) needs to identify the main point of this paragraph
¯ Paragraph(s) needs one overall idea (needs more specific evidence, needs more writer's commentary)
¯ Words: repeating words, repeating ideas, repeating sentence structure
¯ Using vague language, using slang, transition words needed
¯ Proofreading: punctuation, spelling, grammar
¯ Sources (if used) need to be clearly identified
¯ Proper intext / reference format needed