Final Project
Audience: I don’t believe that the audience was properly addressed in this draft. I was very confused throughout the paper of who you were truly writing too. You stated very briefly that your target audiences are people familiar with the campus including continuing students and faculty tutors as well as visitors and disabled people and this is an extremely broad audience. You alter went on to state that your primary audience is the ICampus development team. I think you should focus the paper more towards them since they will be the ones who you will be writing to and working with to bring this app to fruition.
Evidence: I don’t believe that there is enough evidence in this draft so far. There is one secondary resource parenthetically cited with no works cited at the end of the paper. Along with the lack of secondary sources, the results of your primary sources were not used at all in this paper. When you go to write your final draft make sure to include the results of your primary sources such as your surveys and interviews and incorporate them in seamlessly.
Overall Cohesion: When reading this paper I became very confused many times. There were many grammatically problems which I took the time to edit in the attached document with track changes. Fixing these grammatical errors alone would have given the paper greater cohesion. Grammar aside, I still didn’t feel a good flow to the paper when I was reading. It seemed as if the paper was just kind of all over the map. Along with that, you never truly addressed the problem in this draft. I realize that the draft was supposed to work with your solutions but even so, the problem that you are finding a solution to should still be referenced throughout.
Reports:Solutions: I don’t believe that any of the solutions in this paper are clearly or concisely defined. When it comes to someone like me, who might not be up to date with the latest in the world of technology, it helps to spell out what you are doing at the beginning of each proposed solution or topic that you wish to discuss. One sentence is all that is needed for you to sum up the main idea that you are diving into, just so the reader can gain a better understanding. However, if you are truly writing to the ICampus team, they would most likely be able to understand the language. Having a topic sentence before each proposed solution or idea is still helpful for the overall organization of the paper.
Overall, your solution is to create the app that will help in multiple facets of getting around campus and to events. I would make sure to reference the problem more often than it was mentioned in the draft to clarify that you are not just making an app to put an app out there but rather this app is to address the current problem of “x”.
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Problem Statement
University of Maryland (UMD) is a big campus where navigating from one building to another following the efficient route is difficult. This is because the Google map in the iPhone is unable to provide shortcuts or the shorter route that connects to the UMD STEM buildings. The available app to the students is able to show when the UMD shuttle is arriving but not able to show the routes (University of Maryland, 2013). This is a project proposal of developing a UMD cartographer which is an app that in addition to showing bus arrival time in specific stages, will help students to connect the shortest routes in the University. My goal is not only to develop this app to help only the students, but also to help faculty members, students with physical disabilities and visitors coming to the campus.
Proposed Solution
I intend to build a mobile app for UMD that will;
* Ensure a user navigate his or her way from one building to another following the efficient route.
* The app will show when the UMD shuttle is arriving and the routes it will be following.
* The system will be able to ensure that users share their route and report on ongoing events.
* The app will be user friendly as no password will be required to access information from the app.
* The app will enhance communication across the various departments as users will be able to communicate with other app users.
Description of Target Audience
The target audience are people familiar with the campus including continuing students and faculty tutors who have worked in the University for a longer time. Visitors not familiar with the place who may want to find their way through the campus, will also be targeted. The third category of audience will be the physically disabled people who are visiting or leave in the campus. The primary audience will assist in this project through the student interviews and online survey that will be conducted to establish the audience views and feelings about the proposal. This will be helpful to us the developers as it will enable us to develop an accurate feasibility study that will be based on audience opinions.
Objectives
* The overall project objective is to develop a final working version of the proposed system that will meet the defined user requirements.
Other objectives include;
* To conduct a literature review on how mobile apps are used are helpful in institutions of higher learning.
* To...