Pastoral Care Plan for a Grieving Person
1. Purpose: Learning in the pastoral theological disciplines requires a constant cycle of practice, self-reflection, theory, and practice. Since this class does not include a “practice component,” the major integrative learning project is a research paper. The professor’s recommended paper is to imaginatively create a pastoral care plan for a grieving and/or dying person(s) based on a literary description. That possibility is described below. If a student does not want to take on this project, the instructor welcomes a conversation regarding other options based on the student’s vocational direction and interests.
2. Dialogue: Since this class does not require a practice placement, each learner will create a dialogue based on whatever source is available to her/him. This source may be in your current ministry, a recent formal or informal caregiving encounter, or a more distant caregiving encounter. While the dialogue must be based on actual experience, the learner may fill in specifics through partial memory and creative additions.
a. The dialogue should report at least 15 minutes of conversation.
b. Longer dialogues may shift between critical moments of “quotes” and summary passages.
c. Ideal verbatim reports will include two or more encounters.
d. The learner must be in a caregiver role. The care receiver cannot be a family member. It is better not to have a close friend in the care receiver role.
3. Dialogue Format: The dialogue should be essentially the following.
Caregiver name
Care receiver name(s) (create an alias!)
Site of encounter(s)
Date of encounter(s)
A. Background: Write a paragraph or two that sets the stage for the encounter. How did you come to know the receiver? Summarize the nature of your relationship (if any) prior to this encounter. What do you know about this receiver prior to your conversation? What thoughts and feelings do you have prior to beginning the conversation? Describe the physical situation you are in and what mood that may have set for the conversation. What is your immediate perception before any words are spoken (sights, smells, intuitions, etc.)?
B. Dialogue
Left-hand column: number each speaker’s interaction; include notes regarding non-verbals, interruptions pause.
Second column: Actual dialogue. Summarize less important aspects of the conversation in a longer conversation.
Third, Fourth, and Fifth columns: To be discussed during class and reading
Right-hand column: What’s going on inside of you? Your thoughts, feelings, questions, and experiences at that moment.
Speaker Dialogue Style/Skill Phase Power
Dynamics
CG
thoughts
/ feelings
SEE THE SAMPLE DOCUMENT.
4. Analysis and reflection “due dates” (exercises from Doehring)
10/18 -- Exercises 2 (p 52), 3 (p 71), 4 (p 83)
11/1 -- Exercises 5(p 114), 6 (p 152)
*****Exercises 7 (p 168), 8 (p 186)******
Note 1: While Doehring’s exercises provide the outline for the verbatim analysis, other readings and class information should inform each analysis. Be sure to include either Buhuro's perspective as the required commentary or perspective.
NOTE 2: I COMPLETED THE VERBATIM MAJORITY; I JUST NEED HELP WITH EXERCISES 7 & 8.
BOOKS
1.) The Practice of Pastoral Care- Carrie Doehring (MAIN BOOK)
2.) Spiritual Care in the Age of Black Lives Matter- Danielle J. Buhuro
3.) In Living Color- Emmanuel Y. Lartey
Course
September 13, 2022
Professor
Dialogue Draft for Extended Verbatim
This dialogue occurred this summer over a phone conversation with a friend who found out her newlywed husband was cheating on her with several other women, and on top of that, two other females were pregnant. On top of that, she had just given birth to their first child. In addition, I noticed some disturbing things from her that were posted on social media. So, being concerned for Jasmine, I called her to check on her and the children. (She had one child before the marriage). I knew I would have to put on my counseling hat to try and help in the situation.
Jasmine had previously talked to me about her new husband and all the friends she stopped talking to because they advised her that he was not a good choice and that she was rushing into marriage after only being engaged for two months. So, we had a 2-hour conversation over the phone.
I have known Jasmine for five years, a fellow Police Officer with a local agency in Houston, Texas. She and I went to the Police Academy together. We had been fast friends since the Police Academy, where we constantly challenged each other in academic studies.
SPEAKER
DIALOGUE
STYLE/SKILL
PHASE
POWER
DYNAMICS
CG
THOUGHTS
/FEELINGS
C1
(Excitedly)
“Hey, Girl.”
Excited
J1
(Harshly)
“WHAT!”
Agential Power
C2
“What are you doing?”
J2
“Minding my business.” “Is there something I can help you with, Sir?”
Agential
Power
C3
(Confused)
“No, is there something I can help you with?”
J3
(Angry)
“Hell NO!” “Why do you think I need help?”
C4
“Because of the social media post.”
J4
“Why are you worried about my social media?”
C5
“Because you are my friend, and that is what friends do.”
J5
(Seeimly Overwhelm)
“Do you have time? Because it is a lot, I cannot take it anymore. This is not for me!”
Agential
Power
C6
“What is not for you?”
G-A
Listening
Closely
Receptive
Power
Curious
J6
“Life!”
C7
“Let us talk.”
F-A
Establishing
Trust
Receptive
Power
Open
Jasmine (crying) begins to tell me what is going wrong in her marriage, from the cheating to the pregnancy of the other two females to her going to his job and catching another female with him in the car she purchased for him. She tells me about a secondary cell phone she found in a shoe box. She was even more upset that the females, in her opinion, were not as good-looking as she was. I do not even want to live anymore. I am just tired of being tired.
SPEAKER
DIALOGUE
STYLE/SKILL
PHASE
POWER
DYNAMICS
CG
THOUGHTS
/FEELINGS
C8
(Very Concern)
“WOE J. What do you mean you do not want to live anymore?”
F-A
Asking
Open-Ending Question
Receptive
Power
Concern
J8
(Crying)
“I am better off dead!”
Agential
Power
C9
“Do not say that.”
F-A
Soft Tone
Receptive
Power
Concern
J9
(Yelling)
“It is true; nobody cares about me or my issues, but they will care when it is too late.”
C10
“Quit talking like that. You mean something to your children and me.”
F-I
Establishing
Trust
Receptive
Power
Encouraging
J10
“Who are you? You are not helping me with the children, helping with bills, or giving me no money.”
Agential
Power
C11
(Supportive)
“I am your friend, and I will do my best to help you find resources to help you make it along.”
F-I
Establishing
Trust
Receptive
Power
Supportive
I tried to help her with some Bible verses and offered to pray with and for her.
* Psalms 40:1-3
* Isaiah 40:31
* Deuteronomy 31:8
SPEAKER
DIALOGUE
STYLE/SKILL
PHASE
POWER
DYNAMICS
CG
THOUGHTS
/FEELINGS
J11
(Emotional)
“I do not want to hear anything from that white man's religion or that book that white people have written.”
Agential
Power
C12
“Jesus is not a color, J.”
F-L
Following
Closely
Receptive
Power
Informative
J12
“Where was Jesus when I was getting cheated on?”
Agential
Power
C13
“Jesus can understand what you are going through.”
F-L
Following
Closely
Receptive
Power
Informative
J13
“Where was Jesus when my family turned their back on me and talked bad about my kids and me?”
Agential
Power
C14
“He was right there.”
F-I
Care Receiver Asked for Information
Receptive
Power
Informative
J14
(Joking)
“Shoals! I am not trying to hear anything about that Leonardo DiCaprio Jesus you are talking about.”
Agential
Power
She begins to tell me how she hates all men and that all men are dogs because of how her husband has done her.
J15
(Informative)
“Shoals, all men are dogs, and you are one too.”
Agential
Power
C15
“Why would you say that?”
F-A
Open-Ended
Question
Receptive
Power
Oh, Lord, here we go again.
J16
“Shoals! Do not act like you and your wife have never had any problems before?”
Agential
Power
C16
“We have.”
G-I
Sharing
Information
Receptive
Power
Feeling
Judged
J17
“See, you are a dog!
Agential
Power
C17
“I do not see how the two go hand in hand, ma’am.”
G-A
Guide
Convo
Receptive
Power
Getting
Upset
J18
“I know you look at other females and have a whole wife.”
Agential
Power
C18
(Sarcastically)
“Can you prove it?’” I am a man, so do not judge me at all, please!”
D-A
Direct
Question
Receptive
Power
Upset
She began to tell me how bad of a man I am simply because I am a man. I can feel myself now getting upset at how the conversation is going. Finally, she hung up the phone without me offering prayer for the situation.
So two months later, Jasmine posted on her social media that it was her birthday. I felt compelled to acknowledge her birthday since she came to mine back in February and brought a gift to me. So the following conversation took place on a social media platform.
SPEAKER
DIALOGUE
STYLE/
SKILL
PHASE
POWER
DYNAMICS
CG
THOUGHTS
/FEELINGS
C19 (Via Snapchat)
“Happy Birthday, J.”
D-I
Taking The
Lead
Agential
Power
Happy
J19
(Sarcastically)
“Yeah, whatever, Thanks”
Receptive
Power
C20
“What are you doing for your big day?”
D-A
Direct
Question
Agential
Power
Happy
J20
“Why does it matter?”
Receptive
Power
C21
“I wanted to bring you a gift as you did for me on my birthday.”
D-I
Taking the
Lead
Agential
Power
J21
“Well, if you must know, my children and I are going to dinner at the Warwick.”
Receptive
Power
C22
“Oh, that is cool. That place is right next door to my house.” Do you mind if I pull up?
D-A
Summing up, Asking
Question
Agential
Power
Hopeful
J22
“That is fine.”
Receptive
Power
C23
“See you in a few.”
D-I
Informing
Agential
Power
Thankful
J23
“Yeah, whatever!”
Receptive
Power
A few hours later, I went home, took a shower, and went to the restaurant where Jasmine and her children were already seated having dinner. As the night went on, I had to bring up the incident where Jasmine felt comfortable hanging up in my face.
SPEAKER
DIALOGUE
STYLES/SKILL
PHASE
POWER
DYNAMICS
CG
THOUGHTS
/FEELINGS
C24
“I have to know why you hung up in my face the last time we talked on the phone?”
G-A
Asking
Question
Agential
Power
Curious
J24
“Because I was upset, and you were not listening to what I was saying.”
Receptive
Power /
Agential
C25
“I was listening, but I began to get upset when you categorized me with other men just because you are upset at one man!”
F-L
Following
Receptive
Power
J25
“No, you were not!”
Agential
Power
C26
“Whatever you say.”
G-L
Following
Receptive
Power
Upset
J26
(Crying)
“Do you know I attempted suicide when we stopped talking two months ago?”
Agential
Power
SPEAKER
DIALOGUE
STYLES/SKILL
PHASE
POWER
DYNAMICS
CG
THOUGHTS
/FEELINGS
C27
(Shocked)
“Are you serious!”
Receptive
Power
Surprised/
Shocked
J27
“Yes, Fool.”
Agential
Power
C28
“How?”
D-A
Taking the
Lead
Agential
Power
Sadden
J28
“I overdose on prescription drugs, and they found me lying on the floor with a weak pulse.”
Receptive
Power
C29
“Why would you do that?”
D-A
Direct
Question
Agential
Power
Puzzled
J29
“Why not!”
Agential
Power
C30
“You have so much to live for, Jasmine.” You have your children to live for, your family, and much more.”
G-L
Close
Following
Receptive
Power
J30
(ANGRILY)
“I HATE MY FAMILY!”
Agential
Power
C31
“Why your family?”
D-A
Direct
Question
Agential
Power
Shocked
J31
“Not my children, but my siblings and parents. They always need me but are never around when I need them.”
Receptive
Power
C32
“That is not a legit reason to kill yourself.”
F-L
Listening
With
Responses
Agential
Power
J32
“You cannot tell what a legitimate reason to kill myself is.” People are always telling me what to do with my life but are never around when my life is in shambles.
Receptive
Power
C33
“I was here for you.”
G-L
Agential
Power
Hurt
J33
“You and your Jesus, huh?”
Receptive
Power
C34
“Yes.”
F-L
Listening
Receptive
Power
J34
“Well, I did not die, so I guess Jesus was not ready for me. So, I did three weeks in a psychiatric center, and now I take counseling sessions twice a week.”
Agential
Power
C35
“Great!”
F-L
Listening
Receptive
Power
J35
“It seems to be helping.”
Agential
Power
C36
“Well, I am glad you are getting help from someone.”
F-L
Receptive
Power
Relived
J36
“Yeah, me too, it is hard to depend on people, and I definitely cannot depend on my spouse.”
Agential
Power
C37
“Your support structure is important during this season of your life.”
G-I
Guiding
Informing
Agential
Power
J37
“Will you be a part of that support system?”
Receptive
Power
C38
“Yes!&rdquo...
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