Peer Review of an Essay
Just peer review this essay, the following screenshot is an example
- My Name : Leo Liang
- Peer's Name : Alex Du
In the first paragraph , I don't think introduce the primaiy text and the secondaiy text here is a wise move because readers will get confused with too much infonnation (your experience and your sources) at once. I suggest Alex to only introduce his personal experience first. In this way, readers can fully blend into the scenario. And then introduce the sources one by one. When introducing the sources, I suggest including the thesis of the source more in detail. Alex did well for the essay has some driving questions generated from the sources. In addition, the essay has good connections between Plato's Alleg01y of the cave and Alex's experience. The title of Janmica Kincaid's essay is missing when introducing Kincai·d on page 5. I think using the phase "just like" makes the connections too static, I suggest just simply reconstrnct the sentence and replace "just like" with other words. The essay lacks sufficient quotation evidence from sources. The works cited fonnat isn't coITect. Last but not least, I suggest Alex to apply his thesis to something bolder or more significant instead of only on himself to make the essay more meaningful.
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Peer Review
The first paragraph of the essay is excellent. I am impressed by how you introduce the scene, particularly the descriptive language utilized. As someone reads through, he or she can get a clear picture of what is happening. This is essential because it affirms the effectiveness of the writing style and language mastery. Another aspect that I like is the use of dialogue in the first paragraph. This gives the prose variation and creativity. However, I do not like how you started the second paragraph.
Using the phrase “according to my experience” seems redundant. The statement sounds vague and unattractive. I would have preferred if you would have eliminated the phrase “according to my experience.” This would make the reading flow well and remain impressive...