Genogram Drawing, Analysis, and Reflection

Genogram Project
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Genogram Project
Background
In our family, we are six. There is me, my two brothers, my younger sister, and my parents, Bahman and Ashkan. My father came to the U.S. in 1995 through a scholarship. Having been the best student in his class, he was sponsored to go further his studies from his home in India. However, after finishing his studies in 2000, he decided to make the U.S. his home. By this time, he had already met my mom and had their eldest son, our firstborn, Hashem. Growing up, life was a little rough because our parents had not yet found their footing career-wise. In the early 2000s, our father was struggling to build a career in software engineering, and our mother was working towards a degree in data science. So, money was a major problem. However, one thing that we were assured of every day was the love and laughter that encompassed our family. Our parents ensured that my siblings and I felt loved and cared for. They worked hard to provide and paved the way for all of us. They inculcated great values in us, and through them, we learned many of our ‘firsts.’ For example, through my father, I learned how to prepare Baghali Polo ba Mahiche, a traditional Iranian dish that he still loves to date. Further, through our parents, we learned the essence of family and the need to run a tightly knit unit as a family. We saw our parents and their siblings keep in touch with each other and hold family gatherings occasionally where we would get opportunities to meet our cousins. We loved this dearly and waited for the days or seasons that presented these occasions.
With regard to culture, I never saw a clash of cultures between my parents when I was young. However, as I grew older and got to understand things better, I saw how disconcerted my father was with his own father, my grandfather. Though the family gatherings were amazing, and it was all smiles and cheers, I started seeing the cracks in their relationships. After moving to the U.S., my grandfather started saying that our father became ‘too American,’ and this troubled him a lot. Their relationship was strained because my father thought that his father was simply being too difficult, and he could not admit that the times had changed. The difference in their approach to life was a major challenge to their relationship. However, in spite of all the issues and challenges, my father made sure that we knew where he was from, the culture of the place, and how every aspect of his life currently is a reflection of where he came from. These things were made evident in how passionately he shared with us about his childhood and the cooking lessons as well as the stories of old. Further, he shared how his life changed for the better when he met our mother. She made him see the world in a different way, and this changed him eternally. He tells us he has no regrets over the decisions he has made in his life and that he would make the same decisions if he ever gets another opportunity. Currently, I can confidently say that my siblings and I are best friends. Our relationship has blossomed in many ways, and we attribute it to our parents, who found common ground in many ways despite being very different and having been raised differently.
Analysis
A quick assessment of my family, especially my parents, reveals an obvious connection to Bowen’s interlocking concept of differentiation of self (DoS). The strained relationship between my father and his father often caused tension between them. However, there was never a time when I saw my father show any signs of anger or desperation with his father (my grandfather). I saw him maintain a high level of objectivity and tried to explain to him the decision to not only change his religion but also marry our mother. Our father was always able to modulate his emotions and showed great restraint at all times, and this, as Calatrava et al. (2022) indicate, is a show of interpersonal competence. Further, I believe that this spilled over to his parenting style and even that of our mother. Throughout our childhood, we experienced warm and emotionally intelligent parents, which are factors, as Mozas-Alonso, Oliver, & Berastegui (2022) indicate, influence parental competency. I believe that the higher levels of DoS in my parents greatly influenced their parenting styles. To them, communication, support for their children, and an apt level of autonomy were key ingredients to the growth and development of children. Therefore, we experienced some level of freedom to evolve and become ourselves with our capacities in whichever areas encouraged. This helped to shape who we are today, and I can confidently say that my siblings and I have become more of ourselves because of the support from our parents.
Another pattern that is present in my family and that Bowen alludes to is the aspect of changes or differences from one generation to another. Bowen used the concept of the multigenerational transmission process to showcase how certain levels of differentiation can be transferred from one generation to the next. Further, he described how these transmissions could give room for differences between family members with every ensuing generation. The strained relationship between my father and my grandfather was a result of a change that had transpired on my father’s side. Bowen had alluded to the possibility of this being the case where a generation becomes a little more differentiated from their parents. However, even though my father was indeed differentiated from his father, one could still not tell them apart, especially while assessing their mannerisms and commitment to family. Still, one could also tell that my father was different from his siblings or that he had a higher level of differentiation compared to his siblings (Ceja & Gasbarrini, 2018). He seemed freer, more himself, and these aspects made all the difference in the way he related to his father. However, in spite of the differences outlined above, there was unquestionable evidence that my grandparents projected familial values on him. My father was really close to us, and he made sure that every engagement was flexible enough for him to have enough time for family. This greatly influenced how my life, and to date, I still find ways to skip plans with friends because of dinner with family or game days. My siblings and I are also close because of what we see from our parents. The closely-knit approach to the family has made us develop stronger bonds and make time for each other regardless of what we are up to. However, as Bowen indicates, small variations often lead to differences in offspring (Ceja & Gasbarrini, 2018). Our younger sister appears to be showing a few differences from what we have gotten used to. At the moment, some ‘traditions’ like family dinner happens to be not as appealing as they are to the rest of us.
With regards to Bowen’s emotional cutoff interlocking concept, he claims that even though there are instances when people cut off from their parents, this does not negate or cancel the latter’s influence over their children (Haefner, 2017). My father and his father were estranged or alienated and only spoke when there was a need to have conversations. Our grandfather felt that his son was lost and that he was not raising his children the right way. On the other hand, his son thought that his father was simply ignoring the changing times. Therefore, this made their relationship a little tense. However, in spite of the above, and even though our grandfather saw his son’s behavior as foreign, we saw a lot of similarities between them. As earlier indicated, our father’s love and commitment to family was something he learned from his father. He told us stories of how they were poor while growing up but that our grandfather made sure that they never lacked. He told us how family came first to him and how he organized occasions even for the extended family. These stories greatly influenced his decisions and how he made sure that our family always had time for each other. While he may try to distance himself from his father and complain of his inability to sense the changing times, he fails to perceive how much influence his father still has on him. He maintains close contact with his siblings and even organizes familial gatherings. Being the firstborn, he appears to have borrowed a lot from his father and is working hard to pass down what he has learned to his younger siblings. However, in his eyes, his world and that of his father are not on the same planet.
A pattern that I'm afraid I have to disagree with Bowen is about sibling position. As indicated, I have two older brothers and a young sister...