Public Libraries as Community Anchors:Call for Increased Local Funding

Here are the feedback I got from my Professor.



Here are my comments:









1. The abstract is missing.  This is a serious error.  Make sure to include one in the final paper. 









2. Include 30% more citations when revising.  Include citations in the introduction and in the conclusions.









3. Include 30% more opinions however when revising, based on the facts. 









4. This is a good start and the ideas work well so far to prove the thesis.









5. More sources were needed to meet the requirements of the paper. 









 Also remember:









When revising, make sure you challenge yourself in relation to the research you find, meaning that it's important not to dismiss information too soon. Think about the information you find and if it can relate to your thesis in an outside of the box way.









Try not to be too linear, is what I'm saying here.  In addition, include more of your own critique and analysis to this paper, too asking the who, what, where, why, which, and how questions. 









Make sure your ideas are not redundant and that your opinions are original and insightful.  A good exercise that helps you think of more opinions is called focused freewriting. You write about your topic in a notebook for fifteen minutes without picking up your pen. You can also type, but I find that writing works better because it's more physical and personal; many students in the past 10 years have agreed. When you are freewriting about your topic, there are some rules to follow:









A. Keep your hand moving. Don't stop writing. B. Don't cross anything out, even if you think it's spelled incorrectly, etc.; if you cross out, you will interrupt your train of thought and ideas.  









Don't worry about punctuation or grammar when you freewrite; again, this interrupts your train of thought and potential ideas, and what you're trying to do is formulate more opinions and ideas about your topic; this is the goal of focused freewriting.









Take risks and chances when you're writing about your topic; don't censor yourself. Censored ideas don't have heart or passion.









Don't worry about what anyone thinks-- don't judge yourself. Have confidence. Many studies show that just having confidence in relation to school, can raise your grades!  









Here are some ideas for your conclusions. A common error is simply giving up when you're writing the conclusion of a long paper. In a long research paper, you can have 3-4 paragraphs of conclusions. Think about possible solutions, future implications, hypothetical situations, and/or bringing up some very strong arguments from your paper again and expanding on them for the reader.  









Also, your last sentence should leave an impact on the reader. The last sentence should be strong and leave the reader with something to think about; it should resonate. Think about powerful and intense movies you've seen-- how do they end? Why do you remember the ending? A good ending is creative, realistic, insightful, visual, etc-- it can also be thought of as universal-- as appealing to most of the population. Keep these ideas in mind when writing your last sentence.









Also, use at least 3-4 sources in your conclusions and make sure the last thought is your analysis in your paper.  Do not use a quote or someone else's ideas as the last idea in your paper.  The reader needs to be left with your opinions and analysis.



Can you make revision based on her comments?



Attached is the Thesis Paper.