Why Parents Find It Especially Difficult To Parent A Toddler?

Psychology Questions
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September 23, 2017
Question 1: Why might parents find it especially difficult to parent a toddler? What are some strategies for helping parents feel more comfortable and confident in responding to toddler-age children? How can various discipline techniques help toddlers gain control of their impulses? What role might individual differences play in the development of impulse control?
Parenting a toddler entails many risks and difficulties. Perhaps one of the biggest difficulty is the fact that children at this age cannot engage in any verbal communication to help the guardian determine what the child needed. Adding to the fact that toddlers cannot stand nor walk, the responsibilities of parents and/or guardians during this phase is much more. However, despite these challenges, humans (more specifically mothers) through the ages seems to have developed an instinctive nature as to how to do it effectively (Schutte, et al., 1998). In line with this, parenting has then mostly relied on the parents’ ability to understand other cues, like non-verbal and auditory cues. Nevertheless, this characteristic of parenting which makes it seem like an art, never hindered scholars and practitioners alike in trying to find ways to better handle this stage. In line with these strategies, the author of this article would first focus on finding strategies for helping parents feel more comfortable and confident in responding to toddler-age children. In the succeeding sections, the author would also analyze various discipline techniques and how can they be utilized in order to help toddlers gain control of their impulses. Lastly, this article would also study, the role of individual differences in the development of impulse control.
According to Dewar (2017), the toddler stage is one of the most important phases in a human’s life since this is one of the stages where a child develops his emotional and cognitive toolkit. Since emotions and how do we deal with them would be a crucial aspect of our daily lives as we grow up, then primary importance must be giver towards it. However, Dewar (2017) also compiled different researches done on the subject of parenting and stated some of the most common mistakes that parents have been doing for the longest time. According to her, one of the strategies, in order to be more comfortable and confident, is to practice “being calm and supportive” when their children are feeling negative emotions. This is an important note to take since there are a significant number of parents who try to dismiss the child’s emotions (toddlers and pre-schoolers alike) and make them hush. By recognizing the child’s emotion, assuming the role of an “emotional coach”, and being positive about it, the parents could also incite a feeling of confidence and positivity within themselves, which makes it easier to deal with the needs of the child (Raising Children Network, n.d.). Aside from this, Dewar also stated that by following this method of ‘positive emotional response’, toddlers could also develop a healthier social and emotional well-being as they grow up. In a study that she quoted, she said that in one study done on toddlers for 12 months, those who use this approach have had their child develop more “prosocial skills” towards their playmates. In another article written by Markham (2013), she also reiterated how our responses to our toddlers could affect their emotional, psychological, and social well-being. She proposed some guidelines to follow when dealing with children like “prioritizing a deep nurturing connection”, accepting our child’s feeling, and resisting the urge to punish them, among others. She also noted the fact that in order for parents to be able to maintain this calm, confident, and comfortable response to our children parents must engage in a constant and regular “emotional self-management” (Markham, 2013).
Aside from the emotional and social development that a child experiences during the period of being a toddler, this period is also important because it helps the child to develop his/her impulse controls. For any human being, impulse control serves as an important skillset since it prevents us from doing anything irrational just because our emotions dictate it. In other words, impulse control serves as the “superego” which counterbalances the “ID” or “It” (Freudian psychology), which wants us to do whatever we want, whenever and wherever we are. According to Morin (2017), impulse control could be learned as early as the toddler stage, but, in order for it to fully develop it is important for parents to devote their time and energy to achieve this goal. However, since toddlers communicate their own feelings and emotions through different verbal cues, Lerner & Parlakian (n.d.), suggested that in order for parents to teach children at these age about impulse control, the approach must always be “fun and nurturing”. Some of the ideas that they suggested include setting up easy-to-follow rules as well as playing games (and “pretend activities”) which requires the child to control his own emotions and impulses.
Despite following these guidelines, some scholars also focus on how to further improve parenting strategies by recognizing the “individual differences” which could affect the results of trying to teach the child impulse control. In a study done by Power and Chapiesky (1986), on impulse control of infants and toddlers on “breaking non-dangerous objects”, the authors found out that despite the individual differences of the toddlers, there exists a significant correlation between the differences in their parents’ disciplinary styles and the individual differences of the children with regards to impulse control.
Question 2: Programs like Head Start aimed at providing cognitive enrichment for children growing up in impoverished areas focused on children ages 3-5. The newer works on brain development, however, suggest that this may be too late. Do you think enrichment programs for infants would make more sense? Are such programs likely to be socially acceptable or practically feasible?
Head Start is one of the programs of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, which is aimed at preparing impoverished children in the country to be able to easily integrate with the classroom type of learning. More specifically, this program aims at developing better cognitive skills, more stable emotional well-being, and even better family relationships. However, Head Start mostly caters for children from the ages of 3-5 years old, and this has sparked some debates with regards to making the program more inclusive for children even younger. This proposition is based on some studies that suggest that cognitive enhancements on children ages 3-5 might already be too late. In line with this, the author believes that even if it’s possible to train children as early as infanthood, it would still be more efficient and feasible to focus on children from the ages of 3-5, which is the age when children develop their “Categorical self” (Oswalt, n.d.). Further discussion about this would be provided in the succeeding sections.
According to Oswalt (n.d.), “by age 3, (between 18 and 30 months), children have developed their Categorical Self, which is the concrete way of viewing themselves in "this or that" labels”. What this means is that by this age a child is now able to determine and differentiate him/herself based on the categorization scheme present in our society. Oswalt also stated that despite the child’s ability to differentiate during this age, they still cannot understand that a person can both have opposing characteristics such as “good” and “bad”. ...